Monday Letter

Posted on March 19, 2012


Dear Heather, how will you ever teach our kids grammar? I am a fairly competent adult and you made no sense to me. Dear loweshomedepotwalmart, seriously? No reasonably priced smokers? You all made me go to Academy, I get into trouble in Academy. Dear brand new weed eater, please start easier. You make me consider the efficiency of broad-spectrum kill everything spray. Dear man who bought the house across the street, If you wanted me to do electrical work for you should have just asked. Dear electrical project that I started at 4pm, I should have know that it wasn’t going to be a couple hour project. At 10:30pm I was really wishing I had waited till the next morning. Dear google, how do you manage to return millions of ‘search results’ all of which are worth nothing. I am about to start using Bing or something. Dear google, on that note, what is the point of giving me fifty million search results on 1,348 pages? Does anyone truly look past maybe the second or third page anyhow? Dear reclaimed wood from bathroom wall, I was hoping to be able to salvage enough wood to build like a chest to set at the end of our bed. I hope that I just have enough wood to make some toothpicks. Dear Hannah, the sooner you potty train the better off we all will be. For your own sanity, speed is of the essence. Dear new Smoker, you have given more credence to the fact that I am truly awesome with the ribs that you and I collaborated on. Dear ribs, perhaps another hour would not have hurt.

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