Monday Letter….

Posted on April 16, 2012


Dear Homer, you wash cars….it rains…..we get sent home….tell me, how is this a good plan? Dear new coworkers, I am not here to steal all of your overtime. Everyone can just relax. Dear Caleb, I recommend you check your charcoal before you actually start the grilling process. I will cause much less self consternation. Dear Hannah, I will buy your friendship with coke and Doritos when your mother leaves. Please just remember that I gave you a dorito in about 15 years when you think I don’t know anything. Dear Robert the postman, never before have I seen someone who seems to enjoy their job as much as you do. Is the post office hiring? Dear Freeport Police Department, I resent the fact that I was treated like a career criminal simply for possessing a concealed handgun license. Even a rookie cop ought to know that if I have a CHL it is because I HAVE NEVER COMMITTED A CRIME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, the whole ‘hands on the hood’ game was unnecessary for no front license plate. Dear City of Freeport, thank you for taking all of my tires. If I catch anyone dumping tires in my backyard again…’s gonna be ugly. Dear Alisa, you are so cute when you are trying to communicate and don’t know the correct words. Dear Yard, I was hoping that the fertilizer that I bought would miraculously apply itself to the yard. Maybe if I took it off of front porch and set it in the middle of the yard it would get the idea. Dear tractor-trailer driving 103mph at 5:15am in the driving rain. Slow down, there is nowhere you have to be that is THAT important.

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